russian children with perfect attendance

Reporting Live From The Uncanny Valley

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A News Anchor in his “off” position. When his segment starts, the Anchor will begin his life-like movements and speech patterns while reading from the teleprompter before returning once again to his “off” position. This is not a JPEG, its a GIF.

I really wish that reporters and news anchors would just take a minute and decide if they want to be human or not.  I don’t care which one they end up choosing- I just want them to pick one or the other and stop bouncing around in the middle because this in-between bullshit fucking freaks me out.

You can have your hair and makeup done perfectly,  you can train yourself to speak in such a way that you have virtually no accent and seem to be from nowhere and you can tell us about people getting murdered and other touchy situations showing no emotion whatsoever.  Thats fine.  But if you do all of those things, then you can NOT slip in a comment about taking your kids to the beach before going to a commercial break because then I try to picture you having kids and it doesn’t work and all of a sudden shit gets weird. You have a regular life and do regular life things?

Its like when you’d run into your elementary school teacher at the supermarket when you were little, and your mom says “Oh look – its Mrs. Gershwin!” and you’re like “I know – lets get the fuck out of here,” because she’s wearing jeans and its dark out and you’re not supposed to see your teachers at night (unless you’re one of those russian kids with perfect attendance from K-5 who would go with their parents to Parent-Teacher Conferences – what was with that? You’re not supposed to attend Parent-Teacher Conferences!  You’re supposed to stay at home shitting yourself.)

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